Throw anything at me. If it hurts I won't show you. If I need you I won't tell you. I'm so used to being an island. These walls are a part of me now, and nothing can get past them. I'm so close to breaking but I won't be found in pieces, no one gets to see me cry. No one touches my heart. Have my body, have my time, have my constant thought.. But you'll never have my heart, there's too many secrets hidden away in there, too much aching and longing and far too much desire.

I'm waiting for the fog to lift.

I'm waiting for the phone call.

I'm waiting for a savior.

Enough.

I'm so broken. I'm hardened, addicted and lost. I'm lonely and needy. I'm jealous and I'm angry. Calloused, offended, confused, obsessive, hurt and upset. I'm insecure. I'm jaded. I'm bitter, and I'm selfish.

I can't let people in, so I let them walk all over me. I'm never enough for the ones I so desperately want to be enough for. I'm retreated and I'm drawn-back. I get hurt too easily, and I never give myself the time to heal. I constantly feel guilty.

From the moment I wake up to the moment I lay my head, I'm never good enough for me. Never skinny enough. Never pretty enough. Never together enough for me. I spend hours in a day dream that I know will never come to pass. I hide my pain, and only ever let it show around the wrong people.

I'm desperate for love. Desperate for healing, for hope, for commitment and for restoration. I long for redemption.

Redemption.

For the soft whisper of I am enough. The touch of a Savior. The blood of a Son. The blood of a man who came to die for my shortcomings. The man who stretched His arms wide on the Hill of calvary and proclaimed to the world that I am His beloved, welcomed me into His embrace. The man who died for my broken heart. For my redemption and my freedom. Spilled His blood, for me. Just, me.

I am carried into His presence,

I am crippled at His table.

This is My King; Jesus

This is humility;

the King of the universe came as a baby (Matt. 1:21-25)

This is influence;

thousands came to sit on a hill and hear Him preach (Matt. 5:1)

This is power;

He healed the blind (Matt. 10:27-31)

This is compassion;

He stood in the gap and wrote in the sand (John 8:1-12)

This is true rest;

He trades our burden of sin for an easy yoke (Matt. 11:25-30)

This is servanthood;

He washed His disciples' feet (John 13:1-17)

This is grace;

He shared the cup with His betrayer (Matt. 26:23)

This is pain;

He was sweating drops of blood in the Garden (Luke 22:44)

This is patience;

He didn't say a word (Is. 53:7)

This is love;

He hung on a tree for my brokenness (Matt. 27:35)

This is forgiveness;

His shed His blood for my purity (Rev. 5:9)

This is truth;

I belong to Him (Ezekiel 16:8)

This is a conquerer;

death couldn't hold Him (Matt. 24:1-12)

This is passion;

His eyes burn like blazing fire (Rev. 1:14)

This is beauty;

His face is like the shining sun (Rev. 1:16)

This is sovereignty;

He's coming again (Rev. 20)

This is the Son of God

This is the Redeemer of my soul

This is the Beginning and the End

This is Jesus

There's Never Been a Man Who's More Alive

"If the spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you,He who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies who dwells in you." Romans 8:11

I've been spending time meditating on the phrase

"death couldn't hold Him down"

and the more I think about it, the more I am astounded at the power of God to raise His Son from the dead. Not only did He allow Jesus to be pierced for our sins so that we can live free from the sinful nature and so that we can walk in relationship with the Father because our redemption has been FULLY paid for at calvary, but He raised Christ from the dead through the spirit, and then said to all of broken humanity, "here, walk in this same power." And all we need to do is ask and we will receive the life-giving, life-changing, nation-shaking power that was present at the resurrection of our Lord and Saviour! Awesome!

The resurrection is a part of the gospel that I feel I don't spend enough time thinking about. I always get so caught up in the crucifixion and what we gain from Jesus' death; atonement for sin, everlasting life, freedom.. And I forget the life of power we are called to live in wake of the resurrection. We are commanded to be filled to overflowing with the Holy Spirit, which is available to us because Jesus DIDN'T STAY DEAD!

We should be a church who walk in resurrection power and see people healed everywhere we go, see the dead raised, see salvation break out all around us.

In John 14:12-14 Jesus tells His disciples that they will be able to do "even greater works" than He had done, through the power of the Holy Spirit.

The same spirit that raised Jesus from the dead.

The same spirit that lives in us.

The spirit that allows us to walk in the supernatural.

This is our mandate, to be filled with the resurrection power for the salvation of the lost, the freedom of the captives and the healing of the sick. Amen.

Revival

I believe revolution is coming to this nation. I just spent the week at Getsmart conference in Auckland with 1000 other hungry young people on fire for Jesus, on fire to see their friends, families, schools and universities changed.

A few weeks ago my friend and I were having coffee and he said this "I think this next generation is going to be the generation that, one one side, are furtherest away from God, but on the other side the generation that pursues God hardest." And I completely agree.

Let's be a people that pursue purity, love and intimacy with God above anything else. I believe this is how we're going to see awakening in our land, and across the globe.

I want to see God move in this land, and on the hearts of a people who are deeply in love with their creator.

This, Love.

I am Hephzibah.

I am the beloved of the Bridegroom.

I am the Daughter of the King.

I am a priest.

I am His beautiful one.

His delight is in me.

He rejoices over me with singing.

His affections are for me.

I am as white as snow in His eyes.

I am the one He holds in His arms.

I am dust.

He knows all my thoughts, desires and passions.

He satisfies my soul.

He is a good good father.

I am the apple of His eye.

All His desire is for me.

I am royalty before Him.

I move His heart.

I am forgiven.

I am lifted up.

I am no longer desolate, forsaken or broken.

He has adopted me.

His eyes burn for me.

He decides my fate.

His blood has the final word on my life.

His righteousness is mine.

He is coming back for me.

I am the one His heart yearns for.

There is nothing I could do to make Him love me less.

He died on roman cross-beams for me.

I have been on His mind since eternity past.

His banner over me is love.

I am His dove, His sister, His bride.

I am His lovely one.

He created me in the depths of the earth.

He commands His angels concerning me.

I am His fair one.

And He is mine.

Awake, My Soul!

For the past few weeks I've had a phrase from Psalm 57 going around and around in my head and going deep into my heart.. Psalm 57:8

"Awake, my soul!

Awake, harp and lyre!

I will awaken the dawn."

The first line just gets me everytime. "Awake my soul". And I've spent some time meditating on exactly what it means to have an awakened soul, and why King David would desire his soul to be awakened.

Tiny bit of context: David wrote this psalm when he was hiding out in a cave after fleeing from Saul and his croonies who were trying to take his life.. In a nutshell, David was in the pit.

But the thing I love about this psalm and the other psalms he wrote while in this position is that it shows David's character beautifully. In the midst of his darkness and lonliness, he sings songs of praise and declares God's love.

So in the middle of his deep distress, David calls out to the Lord. In Psalm 57, David is mostly making statements about his situation and exalting God, but he does ask the Lord for two things; 1: mercy (verse 1), and 2: an awakened soul (verse 8).

And what was the purpose in having an awakened soul while he was in the pit of despair? So that he could praise and worship, sing and make music to the Lord! So that he could be joyful despite his circumstances. We need to get a hold of this mentality.

This generation is walking round with tired, destroyed and downcast souls. They are literally everywhere. Imagine if we had the joy of the Lord and an awakened soul, every day. No matter what the situation, mood or season. If we had steadfast hearts that could not be shaken- grounded in the joy and goodness of God.

When we have an awakened soul, we are free to praise- liberated by the love of God- in any season. Joy does not rely on circumstances, it is not "hapiness", it is constant and it is straight from the heart of the Lord.

Our souls need to be awakened with joy, so that we can praise and worship in every season, simply because He is worthy. Our souls need to be awakened to the goodness of God, so that we may find rest in Him (Psalm 116:7). And our souls need to be awakened to the likeness of God so that we may live righteously, and satisfied in Him alone (Psalm 17:15).

Just before Jesus was about to be crucified, He went up to the garden of Gethsemane, He asked one thing of His disciples; to keep watch while He went to pray. When He came back, He found them sleeping and was deeply upset. He begged them to pray, to stay awake. (John 22:46)

Let's not be found sleeping.

Let's be a generation of people who are awake, in tune with the spirit. We could change the world.

"You have a reputation of being alive, but you are dead..

Wake up!"

-Revelation 3:1&2