"This King, full of mercy and goodness.. Embraces me with love, makes me eat at His table, serves me with His own hands. He converses and delights Himself with me incessantly.. And treats me in all respects as His favorite."
-Brother Lawrence

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Enough.

I'm so broken. I'm hardened, addicted and lost. I'm lonely and needy. I'm jealous and I'm angry. Calloused, offended, confused, obsessive, hurt and upset. I'm insecure. I'm jaded. I'm bitter, and I'm selfish.
I can't let people in, so I let them walk all over me. I'm never enough for the ones I so desperately want to be enough for. I'm retreated and I'm drawn-back. I get hurt too easily, and I never give myself the time to heal. I constantly feel guilty.
From the moment I wake up to the moment I lay my head, I'm never good enough for me. Never skinny enough. Never pretty enough. Never together enough for me. I spend hours in a day dream that I know will never come to pass. I hide my pain, and only ever let it show around the wrong people.
I'm desperate for love. Desperate for healing, for hope, for commitment and for restoration. I long for redemption.
Redemption.
For the soft whisper of I am enough. The touch of a Savior. The blood of a Son. The blood of a man who came to die for my shortcomings. The man who stretched His arms wide on the Hill of calvary and proclaimed to the world that I am His beloved, welcomed me into His embrace. The man who died for my broken heart. For my redemption and my freedom. Spilled His blood, for me. Just, me.
I am carried into His presence,
I am crippled at His table.

2 comments:

  1. This is beautiful- I love the way you show how forgiving and accepting Jesus is of us into his kingdom. I hope you realise that you were beautifully and wonderfully made :)

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