"This King, full of mercy and goodness.. Embraces me with love, makes me eat at His table, serves me with His own hands. He converses and delights Himself with me incessantly.. And treats me in all respects as His favorite."
-Brother Lawrence

Monday, March 5, 2012

Every day I wake up, I have to choose to believe
that love runs deeper than pain,
that freedom is stronger than bondage and mercy is bigger than fear.
I wake up and look full into the face of the Creator.
I choose to discard loneliness and heartache.
I choose to fall again onto His promises.
Joy comes in the morning.
His blood speaks a better word.
I can either be weighed down by my insecurities
or I can choose to walk above them.
No longer do I live under a spirit of bondage.
I am free, even when my heart aches.
There is beauty to capture far beyond my hurting.
Take me there.
My life is a constant struggle, a battle of my will.
Every decision, every action, every word
is a product of the motivation of my heart.
The motivation of a fragile, broken heart.
I want a pure heart.
I have the number for a counselor
who specializes in dealing with self-destruction.
Most of me wants to call her,
sort these issues out for good..
But there is still a part of me
that likes the comfort of a broken heart.
Something inside of me still hates me,
and I hate to admit it, but when it matters,
that part is almost always stronger.
I am more than a conqueror.
I am not defined by an eating disorder.
I am not defined by a weak heart.
I am not defined by my job.
I am not defined by the mistakes I have made.
I am not defined by my friends, my family or my enemies.
I am defined by Jesus Christ crucified.
I am a pure and spotless offering before my God.
I am no longer forsaken,
I am no longer desolate,
I am called Hephzibah,
I am the delight of the King of Heaven
It's You.
It's You it's You it's You.
From the moment I wake up to the moment I lay my head,
it's You.
In pain and in joy, it's You.
In the times of trial and the times of peace, it's You.
In the darkness and in the light, it's You.
In every valley and every mountain top, it's You.
In battle and in splendor, it's You.
In weakness and strength, it's You.
In lack and in prosperity, it's You.
In every season of the soul, it's You.
From eternity past, to eternity future, it's You.
It will always be You.
My glory, the lifter of my head.
It's You.
The lamb said “Shh” and I yelled.
The lamb held out his hand
and I broke every bone there with my grip,
because I didn't believe I would be safe.
The lamb promised beautiful
and I covered myself in dirt.
the lamb said “this much”
and I drove the nails.
The lamb held me in my sleep
and I curse his name as I woke.
He loves. he loves. he loves.
I am holding his heart already.
And I am learning
that I can be sustained on his blood alone,
that I can give my own hear to him.
The lamb said “Shh” and I yelled,
so he made the world around me
louder so I could obey.
-Kristin Laub

This heart is heavy with pain,
wracked with guilt and weary from striving.
I'm longing for His love.
For the healing of His warm embrace.
I'm tired of sleepwalking through this season.
I need breakthough. I need encounter.
I need grace for the restart.
Another restart. Another restart.
Another welcome. Another welcome.
Another wave of mercy.
Another promise, truth to break the lies.
Everlasting grace for the restart.
I know these little moments move Your heart,
and I know that right now that's all that matters.
In this place where everything inside me wants to fall apart,
You hold me together.
When I'm too weak to walk this road,
You are my strong arm.
I will continue to reach for You.
Yes, my heart will reach-
even if only for a moment before I break-
because I know it moves Your heart.
I don't want to become a stranger.
I don't want to forget how Your voice sounds
or the way You hold me till the storm passes.
I don't want to run away from home anymore.
I don't want to desire anything less than all of You.
I don't want to live in loneliness and fear.
I will run into Your arms again.
Yes, I will run.
Like a prodigal to my Father's warm embrace, I will run.
And You carry me, You give Your child sweet rest,
You restore my strength.