"This King, full of mercy and goodness.. Embraces me with love, makes me eat at His table, serves me with His own hands. He converses and delights Himself with me incessantly.. And treats me in all respects as His favorite."
-Brother Lawrence

Tuesday, October 12, 2010


I'm so broken. I'm hardened, addicted and lost. I'm lonely and needy. I'm jealous and I'm angry. Calloused, offended, confused, obsessive, hurt and upset. I'm insecure. I'm jaded. I'm bitter, and I'm selfish.
I can't let people in, so I let them walk all over me. I'm never enough for the ones I so desperately want to be enough for. I'm retreated and I'm drawn-back. I get hurt too easily, and I never give myself the time to heal. I constantly feel guilty.
From the moment I wake up to the moment I lay my head, I'm never good enough for me. Never skinny enough. Never pretty enough. Never together enough for me. I spend hours in a day dream that I know will never come to pass. I hide my pain, and only ever let it show around the wrong people.
I'm desperate for love. Desperate for healing, for hope, for commitment and for restoration. I long for redemption.
For the soft whisper of I am enough. The touch of a Savior. The blood of a Son. The blood of a man who came to die for my shortcomings. The man who stretched His arms wide on the Hill of calvary and proclaimed to the world that I am His beloved, welcomed me into His embrace. The man who died for my broken heart. For my redemption and my freedom. Spilled His blood, for me. Just, me.
I am carried into His presence,
I am crippled at His table.

Monday, August 2, 2010

This is My King; Jesus

This is humility;
the King of the universe came as a baby (Matt. 1:21-25)
This is influence;
thousands came to sit on a hill and hear Him preach (Matt. 5:1)
This is power;
He healed the blind (Matt. 10:27-31)
This is compassion;
He stood in the gap and wrote in the sand (John 8:1-12)
This is true rest;
He trades our burden of sin for an easy yoke (Matt. 11:25-30)
This is servanthood;
He washed His disciples' feet (John 13:1-17)
This is grace;
He shared the cup with His betrayer (Matt. 26:23)
This is pain;
He was sweating drops of blood in the Garden (Luke 22:44)
This is patience;
He didn't say a word (Is. 53:7)
This is love;
He hung on a tree for my brokenness (Matt. 27:35)
This is forgiveness;
His shed His blood for my purity (Rev. 5:9)
This is truth;
I belong to Him (Ezekiel 16:8)
This is a conquerer;
death couldn't hold Him (Matt. 24:1-12)
This is passion;
His eyes burn like blazing fire (Rev. 1:14)
This is beauty;
His face is like the shining sun (Rev. 1:16)
This is sovereignty;
He's coming again (Rev. 20)
This is the Son of God
This is the Redeemer of my soul
This is the Beginning and the End
This is Jesus

Saturday, July 17, 2010

There's Never Been a Man Who's More Alive

"If the spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you,He who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies who dwells in you." Romans 8:11

I've been spending time meditating on the phrase
"death couldn't hold Him down"
and the more I think about it, the more I am astounded at the power of God to raise His Son from the dead. Not only did He allow Jesus to be pierced for our sins so that we can live free from the sinful nature and so that we can walk in relationship with the Father because our redemption has been FULLY paid for at calvary, but He raised Christ from the dead through the spirit, and then said to all of broken humanity, "here, walk in this same power." And all we need to do is ask and we will receive the life-giving, life-changing, nation-shaking power that was present at the resurrection of our Lord and Saviour! Awesome!
The resurrection is a part of the gospel that I feel I don't spend enough time thinking about. I always get so caught up in the crucifixion and what we gain from Jesus' death; atonement for sin, everlasting life, freedom.. And I forget the life of power we are called to live in wake of the resurrection. We are commanded to be filled to overflowing with the Holy Spirit, which is available to us because Jesus DIDN'T STAY DEAD!
We should be a church who walk in resurrection power and see people healed everywhere we go, see the dead raised, see salvation break out all around us.
In John 14:12-14 Jesus tells His disciples that they will be able to do "even greater works" than He had done, through the power of the Holy Spirit.
The same spirit that raised Jesus from the dead.
The same spirit that lives in us.
The spirit that allows us to walk in the supernatural.
This is our mandate, to be filled with the resurrection power for the salvation of the lost, the freedom of the captives and the healing of the sick. Amen.

Friday, July 16, 2010


I believe revolution is coming to this nation. I just spent the week at Getsmart conference in Auckland with 1000 other hungry young people on fire for Jesus, on fire to see their friends, families, schools and universities changed.
A few weeks ago my friend and I were having coffee and he said this "I think this next generation is going to be the generation that, one one side, are furtherest away from God, but on the other side the generation that pursues God hardest." And I completely agree.
Let's be a people that pursue purity, love and intimacy with God above anything else. I believe this is how we're going to see awakening in our land, and across the globe.
I want to see God move in this land, and on the hearts of a people who are deeply in love with their creator.

Sunday, July 4, 2010

This, Love.

I am Hephzibah.
I am the beloved of the Bridegroom.
I am the Daughter of the King.
I am a priest.
I am His beautiful one.
His delight is in me.
He rejoices over me with singing.
His affections are for me.
I am as white as snow in His eyes.
I am the one He holds in His arms.
I am dust.
He knows all my thoughts, desires and passions.
He satisfies my soul.
He is a good good father.
I am the apple of His eye.
All His desire is for me.
I am royalty before Him.
I move His heart.
I am forgiven.
I am lifted up.
I am no longer desolate, forsaken or broken.
He has adopted me.
His eyes burn for me.
He decides my fate.
His blood has the final word on my life.
His righteousness is mine.
He is coming back for me.
I am the one His heart yearns for.
There is nothing I could do to make Him love me less.
He died on roman cross-beams for me.
I have been on His mind since eternity past.
His banner over me is love.
I am His dove, His sister, His bride.
I am His lovely one.
He created me in the depths of the earth.
He commands His angels concerning me.
I am His fair one.
And He is mine.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Awake, My Soul!

For the past few weeks I've had a phrase from Psalm 57 going around and around in my head and going deep into my heart.. Psalm 57:8
"Awake, my soul!
Awake, harp and lyre!
I will awaken the dawn."
The first line just gets me everytime. "Awake my soul". And I've spent some time meditating on exactly what it means to have an awakened soul, and why King David would desire his soul to be awakened.
Tiny bit of context: David wrote this psalm when he was hiding out in a cave after fleeing from Saul and his croonies who were trying to take his life.. In a nutshell, David was in the pit.
But the thing I love about this psalm and the other psalms he wrote while in this position is that it shows David's character beautifully. In the midst of his darkness and lonliness, he sings songs of praise and declares God's love.
So in the middle of his deep distress, David calls out to the Lord. In Psalm 57, David is mostly making statements about his situation and exalting God, but he does ask the Lord for two things; 1: mercy (verse 1), and 2: an awakened soul (verse 8).
And what was the purpose in having an awakened soul while he was in the pit of despair? So that he could praise and worship, sing and make music to the Lord! So that he could be joyful despite his circumstances. We need to get a hold of this mentality.
This generation is walking round with tired, destroyed and downcast souls. They are literally everywhere. Imagine if we had the joy of the Lord and an awakened soul, every day. No matter what the situation, mood or season. If we had steadfast hearts that could not be shaken- grounded in the joy and goodness of God.
When we have an awakened soul, we are free to praise- liberated by the love of God- in any season. Joy does not rely on circumstances, it is not "hapiness", it is constant and it is straight from the heart of the Lord.
Our souls need to be awakened with joy, so that we can praise and worship in every season, simply because He is worthy. Our souls need to be awakened to the goodness of God, so that we may find rest in Him (Psalm 116:7). And our souls need to be awakened to the likeness of God so that we may live righteously, and satisfied in Him alone (Psalm 17:15).
Just before Jesus was about to be crucified, He went up to the garden of Gethsemane, He asked one thing of His disciples; to keep watch while He went to pray. When He came back, He found them sleeping and was deeply upset. He begged them to pray, to stay awake. (John 22:46)
Let's not be found sleeping.
Let's be a generation of people who are awake, in tune with the spirit. We could change the world.
"You have a reputation of being alive, but you are dead..
Wake up!"
-Revelation 3:1&2

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Think About Such Things

"Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things."
Philippians 4:8
Today I was listening to a song by Death Cab for Cutie, called "I will possess your heart". Basically the song has like, one verse and a repetitive chorus that goes;
You've gotta spend some time, love
You've gotta spend some time with me
And I know that you'll find, love
I will possess your heart
I have no doubt at all that Ben Gibbard wrote the song for a girl and all that blah blah.. But hear me out.
It got me to thinking.
The things/people/activities that we spend our time with, whether good or bad, are essentially the things we lend our hearts to. Thus, these things possess our hearts. Right?
So this got me to thinking that we should be careful and Godly about the way we spend our time and energy and what we put time and energy into thinking about. Yes.
So this is where Philippians 4:8 comes in. In a roundabout kinda way.
I love this quote from Misty Edwards "Most of your life takes place on the other side of your face." (meaning, in your mind) I could not agree more. We are thinkers, us humans. Always thinking, our minds wander here and there constantly. I'm always having to pull my mind back into focus, away from daydreams or wandering thoughts.
In Philippians 4:8, Paul clearly lists the things we should be setting our minds to, the things we should be thinking about and the things that should be taking up our time, both in our heads, and out.
The list is pretty elite.
whatever is:
And, here's the list of people/things that possess all the qualities afore-mentioned:
This is challenging. There's SO much out there to spend time thinking about, why would we want to think about God? I am the most prone to daydreaming person alive.. I think all the time about everything. It's overwhelming. I'm sure you'd all agree. But why, why do I spend my time thinking about all this clutter and chaos when all God requires of me is to think about Him? To set my heart on things above.
Imagine what kind of a world we'd live in if we became a generation who walked round daydreaming about Heaven? Constantly spending time contemplating and meditating on God. In order that the thing we spend our time on would, indeed, hold our affections, and therefore;
Possess our hearts.

Monday, May 31, 2010

The Biblical Call to Purity

"Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God."
-Matthew 5:8
About a month ago I was reading the book of Matthew, I got up to the sermon on the mount when a verse I'd read a million times before started to fascinate me.. "Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God" it's the 6th beatitude. And in my opinion the coolest.. Don't get me wrong, I love the other ones too (no offence other beatitudes, you're doing a great job) but the reason I love this one so much is because it really doesn't make sense. I mean, think about it.. Purity of heart=seeing God. If you never had a decent reason to pursue purity before, meet Matthew 5:8.
I spent hours meditating on this verse. Literally hours, and the more I read it, the more it blew my mind.
This is what Jesus is saying; to those who pursue purity, to those who delight in walking blameless before God, to those who guard their heart, to those who's motivations are God-centered, to those who hunger to know Him.. It is these ones whom God will reveal Himself to.
Need encounter? I do. Long to see His face, His eyes that burn like blazing fire? I do. Want to live in the fullness and abundance of knowing God? I do. Well here's the good news.. Jesus tells us the solution, plain and simple.. Walking in purity of heart!
So what does it look like to have a pure heart? Good question. We're living in the single most sin-saturated generation in human history. Everywhere we turn there's darkness and temptation to fall into sin and give our hearts over to impurity. I believe this is the exact reason why the spirit is emphasizing the call to purity in our generation.
I reckon the coolest thing about Matthew 5:8 is that it goes both ways. Meaning this.. Want to have a pure heart? Seek God. The key to purity, according to the God-man Himself, is seeking the revelation of God. The revelation that God is the superior pleasure, that He is better than sin, He is better than immorality, He is better than the fleeting pleasures of this world. The biblical method of walking in purity is to be satisfied in God's revelation of Himself to you! He just tastes better.
I realise there is so much more depth to this verse and this subject, and I have no doubt I'll delve into it again, but this is about all I have for now.
I'm praying for a people to rise up from this generation obsessed with seeing God, pursuing purity and finding satisfaction in Him.
The only way to conquer sin is to get this truth into your gut;
He tastes better.

Friday, May 28, 2010

Joy Comes in the Morning.

"Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning." Psalm 30:5
I love the promise of a new day. I don't know about you but I find usually that if something's going wrong in my life, it usually seems the worst at night. Whether it be regret or pain or sorrow.. But the promise of the Lord is that there is JOY in a new day! That there is newness and gladness to be attained in a new day no matter what the situation might be. 90% of the time we do wake up to the same situation, but God is always there to pull us out of bed and become our strength. Take courage;
"For the joy of the Lord is your strength."
Nehemiah 8:10b

So Good, so, so Good to me.

Recently I've been spending time meditating on the goodness of God. It's a seriously uplifting activity.
Over the past few weeks I've been going through some things that have been really painful and hard on my heart and amongst it all, I seem to have found myself turning around, back to God and trusting that He holds every situation and every circumstance in His hands.
Often it's not easy to turn to Him with a broken heart. In the past I've found that when I'm hurting the first thing I do is hold God responsible for my pain and give Him no opportunity to do His good work.. But this time, in my going back to Him and offering Him my situation, He's had the chance to pour out His love onto me, to remind me that He is sovereign and good and abundantly faithful, even when people are weak.
I've heard over and over again, His whisper to my soul to "Be still and know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10) and when I am still in His presence, He touches my heart and brings healing.
I think we can often forget about this attribute of God when we're going through trial. We get into a mindset that the Lord is an angry God who delights in punishing us and bringing us pain, when this is completely untrue! He is always waiting for us to turn back and give Him our hearts so He can pour out His goodness and set us free! He is faithful in our trail and He is faithful in our joy. He will never stop being faithful and He will never stop being abundantly good to His people; it's just who He is! What a refreshing thought!
I'll leave you with a couple of verses that have been stirring my heart in regards to the goodness and faithfulness of God.
"If we are faithless, He will remain faithful, for He cannot disown Himself." 2 Timothy 2:13
"Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you. For you O Lord have delivered my soul from death, my eyes from tears and my feet from stumbling." Psalm 116:7&8
Be blessed!

Thursday, May 27, 2010

The Best Rule of Holy Life

About a month ago I was given a book by a friend, called The Practice of the Presence of God. The book is a short, easy-read about a man who lived a few hundred years ago called Brother Lawrence. He was a monk who lived in the 17th century, he worked in the kitchen for most of his life and when he was getting on in years he fixed sandals.
Brother Lawrence, I believe, caught on to one of the most central, important and life-changing themes offered by faith in God.. continual pleasure, satisfaction and delight in the person of Jesus. His simple revelation that all was loss apart from knowing Jesus and the benefits and delight that could be experienced by the human soul, through a continual conversation with God.
"There is not in the world a kind of life more sweet and delightful than that of a continual conversation with God.. Let us do it from a principle of love, and because God would have us"
His understanding of God and how God would have His people live is refreshing and challenging. We are beings created to experience our creator, to constantly be in the presence of God, and in the business of life, He often is the first thing to be pushed aside.
A continual conversation with God takes discipline at first, because especially in our day and age it's out of our ordinary lifestyle. But what if we resolve to make the time, to invite God into all spheres of our lives whether we be at work, school, home or elsewhere. How much more could God use us in our everyday settings if we were constantly aware and responsive to His presence?
I encourage you to read this book. It'll only take you a few hours but getting that kind of truth into your mind and heart is key to receiving from God on a daily basis, being constantly in His presence and becoming a burning and shining lamp to the people around us-awesome!

"This King, full of mercy and goodness.. embraces me with love, makes me eat at His table, serves me with His own hands.. He converses and delights Himself with me incessantly in a thousand and a thousand ways, and treats me in all respects as His favorite. It is thus I consider myself from time to time, in His holy presence." -Brother Lawrence

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Hi. I thought it might be time for a new blog. One that's actually about the things on my heart.. namely; Jesus. And the word, and what I've been learning and what then Lord is doing in me throughout my days and months. Kapeesh? Cool.
So here's a formal introduction..
I'm Lauren, I live in the beautiful city of Tauranga in the beautiful country of New Zealand, right at the ends of the earth. We have a population of about 16 million.. sheep.
And 4 million people. How very tragic. Not really, this place is good. And God is eagerly waiting to pour out His spirit and bring revival to our land.
I left school at the end of 2009 to begin a year fully given over to what the Lord wanted for me. To walk guided by His spirit and learn to trust in His plans.
Psalm 119:109 "Though I constantly take my life in my own hands.." is my testimony, for real.
So starting in February of this year I began the 8th "AWAKEN" internship with the Tauranga House of Prayer.. believing that I would encounter God and figure out my calling.. I did encounter God.. and it ruined my life.
In a good way, of course. But I still don't know my calling.. ha.
Now I work full time as a Barista in a cafe located in a garden center in a hardware store called Mitre 10 Mega. It's actually really, really good. God is always there, hanging out with me, setting up conversations with people who need His love.. Plus I just really enjoy making coffee. One of my favourite quotes ever is from Stephen Christian in his book The Orphaned Anythings; "The day starts with coffee, ends with coffee, revolves around coffee, no joke... with coffee, I drink about as much as I sell. Here's one for you, one for me.. etc"
So that's kinda me.. well that's kinda where I'm at. I like coffee and I like Jesus. And often i feel inspired to write about the latter. So this is where i'll do that.